Thursday, January 8, 2009

Plodding along

Cute Boy has always said he could spot me in a crowd of thousands from a mile away because of the way I walk. I always assumed this was because of my gazelle-like grace and it appeared to him like I was floating on air. Makes sense, right? Me, light as a butterfly.
Turns out I interpreted his comment very wrongly, basically I couldn't have been further from the truth.
A few days ago as we walked out of the grocery store he pointed out a girl in the parking lot and said "look honey, she walks just like you!". Excited, I looked up expecting a fellow gazelle stepping lightly to the ground, but instead locked in on a woman clonking her way through the parking lot. Shocked, I looked around - surely he couldn't mean that ogre - but there was nobody else around.
I looked back. The clonker was headed for her car, full speed ahead. I don't know how to describe it, but it is almost as if she didn't have hip joints or any flexibility. Anywhere. When she walked, she sort of hiked up a leg using her shoulders or something, slung it over, plonked it to the ground and returned the fozzilized hips to neutral. Rinse, lather, repeat for the other side. Over and over and over until she reached her car, loaded her bag and hucked herself in the front seat. All with the grace of a troll.

I watched in silent horror. There was nothing fluid about this gait. It was the kind of gait that is so horrible that gazelles would DIE if they ever saw it. The kind one would only expect to see in movies like Godzilla. It was the gait emploied by Edgar from the movie Men in Black. And that my friends, is my gait. I'm a clonker.
I need to get myself to a therapist of some sort to have this checked out, but maybe - just maybe - we have now discovered the reason for why my running sucks!!

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